I'm trying desperately not to eat. I woke up much earlier than expected so i had coffee and some of my small bottle of soy milk in it. Then i had a small bowl of cereal :| damn breakfast. Just fuck it. Then i had some chips and salsa. why? i don't know it was homemade salsa and it was fucking good. Uhm. I want more chips and salsa but i don't want to let myself have them. I haven't weighed myself in a long time. cause well, I know it's going to be bad.
I wish i could make myself puke. Like that would be awesome. I wouldn't do it a lot, just when i accidentally binged uncontrollably. I can never never make myself puke. NEVER. It sucks i have tried everything. Whatever I'll post again later. Or maybe not. I got to work at four and don't get home till ten.
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Count yourself lucky you can't puke - you say you'll only do it occasionally, but it will escalate, and it is hell.
ReplyDeleteDon't beat yourself up about the salsa, especially if it's homemade - it's pretty healthy.
i feel the same way as you, it's crazy. but hey, at least you had better stuff than i did. i had this apple slice crap and wayyyy too many m&ms. so there's the positive for you. you could've failed like me. at least you had something with nutrition or SOMETHING other than candy and desserts. UGH.
ReplyDeletei wish i could make myself puke. i've tried it too. numerous times. i think we're a lot alike. hang in there, girl. you're going to do so well, i know it. just hang in there. stay strong.
xoxo
You really don't want to learn to throw up though. It sucks, and then it's always in the back of your mind as an option. Don't worry about what you ate, you can do better today :)
ReplyDeleteI also can't make myself puke. Which I see as sort of a positive and a negative. It just means I have to exercise everything off, which makes me more toned and therefore better looking in the end. But its definitely an annoyance- and don't worry. As long as you don't eat any more you'll be fine. Have a good time at work!
ReplyDeletexoxo, Melissa
i used to have an eating disorder. Reading your blog is really sad. The thing is, it seems that however much ive recovered physically, and i now eat properly, i still have the thoughts in the back of my mind. Constantly.
ReplyDeleteIt can be hard, and i still hate how i look quite alot. i have good and bad days.
We'll see.